My kids go to a Waldorf school.  Like so many places in the world today, in a Waldorf school, the general consensus is that television is evil, and should be avoided by all.  Online I constantly run into article talking about the dangers of tv for children, how tv gives them short attention spans, how its rotting all of our brains.  And, while I do think that all of these things have merit- there is one thing I wonder about, and not anything I ever hear mentioned or talking about.  The WAY you watch television.  And I don’t mean which chair you sit in, whether you eat a snack, or knit, or have it on in the background while you do other things.  What I mean is, are you an active watcher or a passive watcher.  Because I think it makes a difference HOW you watch tv.  Let me give you a few examples.

When I was a kid, the Olympics were HUGE in our house.  Winter, summer, didn’t really matter.  The biggest sports to watch were typically gymnastics and figure skating.  Gymnastics and figure skating were 2 things I loved.  And as fun as they were to watch, after a little while, I would feel this itch to DO.  My youngest sister had it, too.  So, after a little while of watching with the rest of the family, we would go out to the lawn and turn cartwheels, do handstands- run across the lawn and do a round-off, pretending we were vaulting.  Or go outside in the winter and skate on our back porch- in the years that we lived in the house where we did that.  Prior to that, we would go to another room, turn on music, dance and pretend we were skating.  And spend hours doing this.  We LOVED it.  And yes, without the tv, we did it anyways, but we were always much more inspired to do it when it was on the TV.

Another example- my son really loved Thomas the Tank Engine.  He would always ask to put it on.  But the reality was that after 5 minutes or so, he would walk away and play.  Ah, you say, see?  Short attention span!  But do you know what he went to play?  He would pull out the wooden train set, make a track, and find the train pieces that matched the colors of the locomotives from Thomas, and name them appropriately.  So the blue one was Thomas, and the green one was Percy, and the red one was James.  And he would play parts of the story.  In one of the stories, one of the trains gets stuck in some water in a flood.  So my son would pull the track apart, and have the train fall into the “water”.  This days, he can make just about anything he sees or dreams up with his Lego.  Even if he only sees it briefly.  Both he and his sister still ask for movies- and run off to play together 15-20 minutes in.

Last example.  My husband and I cannot watch tv together without talking about what we are watching.  Whether its a story element that doesn’t gel with something that previously occurred in a sitcom (which happens SO much its ridiculous- how is it these people can’t be bothered to remember their own precedences?  Or are people REALLY just not paying attention?), a heated debate about something in a documentary, or an ongoing discussion about who was in the wrong- Ross or Rachel?  Don’t laugh.  Is it relevent?  Not really- but it IS a tool for expressing our opinions on things that DO matter- like fidelity.  We don’t simply watch tv- we talk about EVERYTHING we see.  Question if they couldn’t have done that better.  Laugh at the cheesy effects on an old sci-fi show.  There is absolutely nothing passive about it.

So, the way we do that makes me wonder if watching is really, truly rotting OUR brains.  Sure, I have seen many people who DON’T do that.  Known people who, if they are in front of the tube, the only question you better ask is “can I get you a beer?”.  So, I don’t question these studies based on that kind of people.  But I also wonder, are my husband, myself, my kids and my sister so special in how WE watch tv?  And is how we doing it rotting our brains, or helping stimulate out creativity?  I wonder.

Our Cabinet fell in May.  It fell over the issue of troops in Afghanistan.  So we had an election in June- which was actually only a few months premature.  (I have yet to experience a Cabinet that lasts its whole 4 years in the 8 years I have lived here).  And there was a big shift in power.  The CDA (christian democrats) who had been the biggest party for as long as I have been here, and before, were no longer number 1.  They weren’t even number 2, or 3.  They were 4th.  The largest party now is the VVD- the liberal party.  I should note that the term liberal here has a big of a different meaning than it does in the US.  In the US, the liberals are usually considered left wing “anything goes”.  Here, the liberals stand for thing like privatization.  The liberal party here would be VERY popular amongst rich Republicans in the US.  I think a party who is all for defending the people who got us into the financial mess the whole world is in right now, being in charge, a bad thing.

2nd biggest party is the Labor party (PvdA).  The party I voted for.  My heart actually said Green Party (GL), but I decided that maybe it was better to try to get a left party in charge, and wanted to help make that happen.  And the VVD only won by 1 seat.

3rd biggest party shames me.  The PVV- the freedom party.  They are, in my opinion, like modern Nazi’s- only blaming everything on Islam instead of on Jews.  It sickens and disgusts me.  And I still do not understand how it is that the leader of the party can be allowed to represent our government (and that gets interesting, and I will get to that in a second).  And that party gets bigger in the polls all the time.  Though its dropped off recently.

So, right after the election, the leader of the VVD- Mark Rutte, our new prime minister, made the bold deceleration that he would have a Cabinet by the 1st of July.  See, in order to form a Cabinet, you have to have more than 75 seats out of the 150 total seats there are.  No party ever gets that on its own- so they have to work together with another party or parties to form a Cabinet.  Some dude gets appointed by the Queen to make suggestions about Cabinet formations based on election results.  And here is where it gets fun.  The CDA and the PvdA don’t want to work together.  They were the big players in the last cabinet that fell, and there are sour grapes about it.  Pretty much NO ONE wants to touch the PVV.  Everyone seems to know it will be the kiss of death.  Well, almost everyone.  After exhausting basically all combinations, Rutte is trying to form a minority Cabinet with the CDA, and what they call support from the PVV.  And now it gets really fun.  Because it means that they will NOT have a majority- so getting anything pushed through will be tricky.  But various members of both the VVD and the CDA keep coming out saying that doing ANYTHING politically with the PVV is NOT a good idea.  Just recently, there was a document that went out to dutch representatives in other countries, informing them how they are supposed to deal with questions regarding Geert Wilders and the PVV.  They are to tell people that Wilders is NOT part of the government, and that his views do not represent this country.  I laughed so hard.  And I laughed harder when I read the next day how the PVV felt that if they were to be part of the government, that meant that everyone was obligated to defend the views of the PVV.

So, whenever Rutte finally  DOES manage to scrape together his minority cabinet- nothing will get done, and the whole thing will fall in less than 6 months.

Dutch politics can never be accused of being boring- even if my whole diatribe just cured you of insomnia.

Maybe my blog should be about how neurotic I am, and how I can never pick anything.

No.

Why?  I am not against these people calling.  While it is annoying, I recognize that its their job to do so.  Maybe they hate it- maybe its just what they are doing to pay the bills.  I don’t begrudge that to anyone.

But can you have a minute of my time?  No.  Because I can’t even have a minute of my time!

I like to play Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook.  Its fun.  And I SUCK at it!!!  But I find myself wondering how other friends of mine who have children manage such high scores.  The game is one minute long.  And it never fails- whenever I try to play, someone in my house needs to have my attention.  I need to talk to them, answer them.  My daughter has developed the habit to grab my face to look at her if she does not receive an IMMEDIATE response from me.

So, it might be your job to call people, I respect that.  But until I can get a minute of my own time, I am not going to give it to you.

Actually, its worse- I am going to talk about porn.

I am not one of those wives that freaks that my man likes to watch porn, look at naked women, whatever.  Does it bother me?  Honestly, it does a bit.  Am I not enough for him?  Is that what he wants me to look like?  Are those things he wants me to do??  Its a bit threatening, really.

But fortunately for me, I have a very open, honest relationship with my husband, where I can tell him when he is making me feel insecure with this, and why.  Give him the chance to answer the above questions.  And because we cam talk about it- I also get the power to tell him once and a while that I am uncomfortable with it (usually the AMOUNT) and ask him to tone it down.  He doesn’t have to hide it.  Which, for me, can actually be kind of fun.

Have you ever looked at the things out there in the porn world?  They are SO damn funny!!  Honestly, most times when I think, “ok, I’ll check it out with you” I end up totally ruining it for my husband with my incessant laughter.  Comments from me like “who does that, really?” or “that is SO fake- that does NOT feel good!!” Or, if its a story “omg, what lame-ass loser wrote this!”  These comments are apparently not what a dude wants to hear when ogling the porn.  Oops.  My bad!

Seriously, though.  My mom sent me some erotic novels- she just loves these things- her whole bedroom is full of them.  But I cannot stop laughing!  I mean, the jump into sex is not subtle in the slightest- I find it hysterical.  Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me, that I don’t find it arousing so much as funny.  Maybe you have to be male to not notice how lame it is?  Not to knock on the guys there.  Though I have noticed that when confronted with a pair of knockers words tend to loose all meaning.  I can win any argument by flashing mine, if I want to.  I don’t- I’d rather he acknowledge my superior logic.  But its a good way to get him to stop talking.  I don’t know too many women like that.

So, I say- embrace the porn- I bet you could use a good laugh!

I have a new home that I love.  I have a dutch passport and I vote in dutch elections.  I feel making my voice heard is very important.  Especially because of my experiences as an immigrant.

I have seen or heard a lot of people who belong to a different group than the majority talk (or whine) about how some people (usually white people) can’t possibly know what its like to know discrimination because we are “privileged” to be white.  And where as I will admit that, compared to some of my other immigrant friends here, my road has been easier than theirs, it doesn’t mean that I have not faced any kind of prejudice.

Firstly, I always get asked by people who seem to idealize aspects of the US and seem incredulous at the idea that I think life is better here.  For me, though, it most certainly is.  Here I can see a doctor when I am sick, I can get the medicine I need to treat my asthma and live a normal life, without going broke.  I can send my children to whatever school I feel fits their needs and mine, without worrying about bussing or affirmative action quotas. (though I admit where I live about 90% of all the schools are Christian, and I am a humanist with Jewish tendencies- not really a lot to pick from, but fortunately there IS a school which fits perfectly with how we view the world, and how we want to raise our children).  I am blessed that my husband earns enough that I can stay at home and raise my children.  We don’t lead a fancy life, but we do fairly well for ourselves, and I want to work when our youngest goes to school- but for now, I am needed at home, and I feel that its important for me to be here.  I doubt that would be the case for us in the US.  We are also blessed with all the lovely paid vacation days my husband gets every year- and the nice surge to our bank account every summer when we get vacation pay, which is something EVERYONE gets- even people on welfare.  Its a nice life, and I like it.

These same people, who think the grass MUST be greener in the States, and think I am crazy for not thinking so- still seem to think that the biggest problem with the US is that Americans are stupid.  This one is hard- because I feel the need to defend my fellow countrymen, and at the same time, in general, I kind of agree.  Generally, its that Americans are stupid with regards to their thoughtlessness about the rest of the world.  Usually, this is where I am honest, and I say “Listen.  The US is a BIG BIG place.  The majority of Americans will NEVER leave the states, and many have never traveled to another state- or only states in their region.  I personally could not have told you where the Netherlands was on a map (unlabeled, anyways) before I came here.  I grew up upper lower class- I had no delusions that I was EVER going to get to see Europe.  Which makes it sometimes all the more amazing to me that I LIVE here”.  Most people, when I point this out, have to concede that I DO have a point.  And remark that its a shame that that is how it is.  And I agree.  Frankly, I am of the opinion that the whole world would be a better place if EVERYONE spent a time living- not just visiting, but LIVING, in a place that is not their home-to open their eyes to the world.  But that is another post- I was talking about being an immigrant.

When I was taking my immigration course, our Foreign Minister decided that it would be good if everyone wanting to immigrate here had to take a test- in dutch- about what life in the Netherlands is like.  I found so many problems with this.  The biggest one was, it wasn’t for ANYONE coming here- it was directed at certain countries- particularly Turkey and Morocco.  (we have a lot of Islamic Turkish and Moroccan immigrants here)  There is a kind of country-wide hatred of immigrants- particularly Turks and Moroccans- but also Indonesians and other Asians.  So I found that test to be unfair on those grounds, and it made me angry.  But, being students learning dutch, we were asked to help develop this test, to give perspective on what was realistic to ask, in dutch, of someone with a VERY limited grasp of the language.  My 2 cents was “How do they expect ANYONE to know ANY dutch before coming here?  I sure as heck didn’t!  I couldn’t even find a dutch dictionary or phrasebook, and I came from the wealthy US!”  It was crap!  Fortunately, the government fell, and she lost her position as minister, and the person who took her place had a different view on things.

I also had the experience of attempting to apply for a job, and being told that the only thing I was qualified for was as a cleaning lady, because I was not dutch.  Never mind the fact that my skills with the language were fairly impressive given I had only been in the country 2 1/2 years at the time.  Hearing that totally rattled my confidence.  It was hard to have any faith in my ability to speak the language.  Communicating in a language other than your native language is hard to do.  Most people are impressed by it- but every once and a while someone comes along who thinks that my occasion mistakes make me less than worthy, or that my accent is just TOO different.

Then there was the time that we went to the airport to go to the States to visit my mother.  Usually we take the train, but we couldn’t this time, because the trains were undergoing maintenance on our route that day.  So we asked our then downstairs neighbors if they could help us out.  Being our friends, they said of course.  But because they brought us to the airport, we almost weren’t allowed on the plane.  Why?  Because my neighbors were Moroccan.  And when we got asked the security questions, and they heard the NAME of who brought us- suddenly we got asked all kinds of questions about our neighbors, their backgrounds, what do they do, are they islamic, do they have kids, how well do we know them- and THEN the guy had to converse with his supervisor before we were allowed on the plane.  HELLO racial profiling!  I was livid- and it wasn’t because of how it may have affected my travel plans- they let us on the plane.  It was the idea that my neighbors MIGHT be terrorists because they are Moroccan.  It made me SO damn angry.

So, to all the people who say or may think that my perspective on the question of race is not valid because I am white, I say- my eyes are open.  Are yours?

But giving up fear takes time.  In 2002, I moved to the Netherlands.  The pace of life here is so radically different.  The stores are closed by 6pm- except on Friday when they are open until 9- and the grocery stores which are open until 8.  EVERYTHING is closed on Sunday.  Dutch people have such an amazing amount of paid vacation time it truly shocked me.  Its SO different.

So the first time I saw young kids playing outside unsupervised, I thought “wow- there is some bad parenting!”  Funny thing is, I was right and I wasn’t.  I have come to learn that yes, with some of these kids, their parents really should have a better idea of where their kids are and what they are doing.  But really, its NOT unsafe for kids to roam free around here.  There IS a really busy road right in front of my house, but really, I have never seen kids play there.  I started letting my son bike the 2 something miles to his school on his own bike.  Of course I am there- there are SEVERAL busy streets to at least cross on the way, and he is only 5, and its pretty far- but smaller kids than he do the same.  I guess it really helps that there are bikes EVERYWHERE.  Drivers who aren’t looking out for cyclists could find themselves in some trouble.

But what is really missing around here is the prevailing fear that you have all the time in the U.S.  The news in the U.S. is always giving you teasers to get you to tune in- something NEW to be afraid of now- or a new angle on something we were already fearing.  Its a nation of people who seem to TRULY believe that they NEED that gun under their pillow, or they will be killed as they sleep.  American news is very fear based- and also pretty biased.  It was truly interesting to me to turn on the news and get just the information- just the facts of a situation, and thats it.  No speculation from the news presenters, and it wasn’t preceded by half a day of teasers telling me there was “more at 11″.

Not that no one is afraid.  But its hard to really place one specific thing that darn near EVERYONE here is afraid of….except maybe the tax service

Granted, I DO think that you can go TOO far the other way, and I think the dutch can take it to extremes.  Here a cop does has to WARN you that they are going to shoot, and then first fire a warning shot before he/she is allowed to shoot you.  There was a cop who shot and killed someone who was running at them with a knife- he was later cleared of manslaughter charges, but was remanded to a desk for the rest of his career for not firing the warning shot first.

But really, I can’t think of many instances where I turn on the news and hear that someone SHOT someone else.  In the Randstad (the Amsterdam/Rotterdam area) you hear a lot about people being STABBED.  But you don’t ever read about the kid who got daddy’s gun and accidentally shot his friend- or himself.  People here don’t feel that we should all get to have guns to protect us.

I can’t really speak for other parts of Europe.  Honestly, I think it depends a bit on where you go.  Obviously any big city is going to offer threats that you will most likely not find in the boonies.  Amsterdam is a weird town- but it doesn’t scare me.  Not the way all of the friends I have who think that they are safer because they have a gun scare me.  I think I would rather be accosted by the high tranny.

I hadn’t noticed it at first.  But then I decided to try one of her recipes for oatmeal.  Which called for 1/3 of a cup of oatmeal.  So I made it, and damn near burned the oatmeal in the pan, because 1/3 of a cup of oatmeal is so ridiculously small, when it got hot enough to be cooking it was already starting to burn in the pan, and I could not stir it fast enough.

I felt cheated!  The pictures on her blog looked like it was a HUGE bowl of oatmeal- and here I had this ITSY-BITSY portion that was essentiall 3 bites of food.  And I do NOT take big bites!  So I took a closer look at her posts, and realized, she photographs her food RIDICULOUSLY CLOSE-UP.  So it looks HUGE!  But its not.  And she has this weird accountability, where if she is at a party, she photographs the food, and then makes sure to let her readers know she had “about 3 potato chips”.  Wow.  3 WHOLE ones???  I get that there is food that is bad for you- but I don’t go to a party and carefully count out what I eat.  I don’t think ANYONE should.  If you really are that worried about your calorie intake, maybe you should skip the party.  Or skip the “forbidden food”.  There was also a post where she mentions having a “bite of a hershy bar” for dessert.

This is just SO eating-disordered to me!  I cannot imagine starting EVERY meal I eat by taking a picture, and then talking about how super full I  am from my 1/2 piece of lettuce.  And then posting about my meals several times a day.  I had a time in my life when I WAS that obsessed with my food, and it really was not a good thing.  So I can’t imagine that this is healthy behaviour for ANY individual.

And then there is the part that really gets me.  This woman is studying to be a dietitian.   This person who does not seem to know that salads contain nitrates, which is why they should be eaten a little bit sparingly.  Someone should NOT be eating salad every day- and certainly not at darn near every meal, and DEFINITELY not in conjunction with fish!  Hello cancer risk!!!  Shouldn’t she know that??

And the web is FULL of people who whip out the camera at every meal.  Ok, if you made something new, I could get it.  I am proud of my cooking.  My ex neighbor is convinced I am the best baker in the whole world. (I love that she thinks that!)  But every meal??  Who gives THAT much thought to food?  Between writing the blog, and studying for the dietitian stuff, and going for all her runs, this woman does NOTHING all day except for think about food.  Either what she is going to eat, what she IS eating, or what she ate.  Or what others are eating.  How is this normal???

Earlier this week, I came across a blog that was spelling ‘women’ as “wimmin”  I can only assume because of the inclusion of ‘men’.  Then today, I saw someone constantly writing ‘her’ as ‘hir’.  At first I thought it was a typo.  Then I realized, wait, ‘her’ is ‘he’ with and ‘r’.   And I got a little bit disgusted.  Really??  This is how petty women have decided to be?  That we want the spelling changed to show we are different??  Why is it they can’t say that perhaps ‘man’ is ‘woman’ without the ‘wo’?  I mean, from a biological standpoint- we ALL start off as women.  Then we grow “junk”.  Ever looked at a man “down there” and seen the big seem he has??  That would be where he closed shut when the programming kicked in in womb saying “hey, you are going to be a dude!” and he grew his junk.  Maybe its men that should petition for the change, then.

I just hate that there are these women who seem to think that in order to prove a woman;s worth, we have to behave like men.  Suppress our own natural urges- things like crying- and be “tough”.  Not wear make-up, try not to be TOO pretty.  Its so stupid.  I am worth just as much as man.  Not because I am the same.  My husband is WAY stronger than me, physically speaking.  But he can’t get through a day with our kids without wanting to pull his hair out-or threatening to duct-tape them to the ceiling.  The patience and nurturing of our kids is MY skill.  Its what I bring to the table of our relationship that brings balance to our family life.  But even if we just talk about pure physical traits of men and women- men die younger, are more susceptible to any number of ailments, and have a lower immunity in general than women do.  I’d say that trumps me being able to arm-wrestle my hubby!

And I don’t get why feminists are so threatened by women who CHOSE FOR THEMSELVES the role of housewife and mother.  These women who should understand that the decision to work is all about you, while giving it up is about your family- not just yourself.  I am not trying to knock women who don’t stay with their kids.  I think its personal.  Though I feel very strongly about kids needing at least ONE of their parents on the scene when they are young.  I think if you leave your kid with a babysitter or nanny on a regular basis, you should understand that your child is going to attach themselves to that person.  I don’t get how my deciding to be there for my kids is a threat to feminism.  I wasn’t forced to stay.  I WANTED to.  Because I believe kids need their parents.  Not a babysitter.  Not even grandma.  Not that those things aren’t handy on occasion.  But Grandma is not there to raise your kids.  She did that already.  Her job is now to spoil them, and get to do all the nice things she really wanted to do with you, but couldn’t because you have to have a balance in life.

I have very strong personal convictions about parenthood.  And many, many people would probably disagree with me.  But basically, I think that if you decide to have kids, you are deciding to sacrifice things for them, because its not fair to them to say “hey, I brought you into the world, I decided to have you, but now you’re on your own, kid.  Good luck!”  And if you are not prepared to give up some things in your life for a child, you should not have one.

As for the feminists- maybe they should realize that they are worth the same as a man because we are all PEOPLE.  And because they bring their own unique gifts to the table.  Not because they assume the role of a man to prove their worth to one.

When my parents gently shoved me out of the house when I was 18, I did not have a car.  And, honestly, I was NOT sure how I was going to make it work.  How would I get groceries?  Go home to visit my family??  Get to my job??  Turns out it wasn’t so bad- I lost the job I had, which was a bit far from where I was going to school anyways, but I got a work study job at school that paid better.  And 2 of my 3 roomates lived near my family, and both were willing to cart my keester around.

Later, when I was living with my boyfriend, we shared his car.  That was tough, too, but we made it work.  And then I got my own car.  It was old, huge, and a TOTAL gas guzzler.  But it was mine.  Its the only car I have ever had.  And about a year and a half after acquiring “Das Boat” (as I had affectionately named this beast )- I moved cross country without it, and once again found myself without a vehicle.  In a small town.  Oh, what a dilemma!  How was I going to get a job??  My friend suggested I get on close by.  A great suggestion- but a little harder in the execution.  After about 2 months of trying to get a job close to my apartment, I asked myself a question: how far can I walk before I feel like its just TOO far?

The answer kind of surprised me.  I ended up walking out to the mall that day, which was pretty darn far from my home (I never measured it, my best guess is about 2 miles or so).  It didn’t even take me as long as I thought it would- a little over half an hour.  I thought: hey, I can do that. So I applied to some jobs in the mall, and I got one.  It wasn’t much fun to have to walk in the winter (I was in Montana)- but I didn’t do it every day- I often found someone willing to give me a ride.  But the more I did it, the more I learned I preferred to walk.  There was something empowering about getting places without the need for a car.

Now, here I am, nearly 9 years later.  I still don’t have a car.  And I really don’t need it.  At all.  Granted, its much easier to do everything on foot or on my bike these days than when I lived in the US (I live in the Netherlands these days).  The distances are shorter, there are plenty of paths for bikes, and its not unusual.  And I am the first to admit its one of the things I love about living here.  But its totally possible to go without a car in the US.  It can be more challenging, though.

Here is my suggestion: stop making excuses why you can’t try.  You don’t have to totally give up your car- I get that its not practical for a lot of people.  But I don’t know a whole lot of people who live SO far away from a store that they couldn’t walk there.  Think about how often you run to the store really quick for one or 2 things.  Could you walk that trip?  Grab your mp3 player and go for a walk!  You get some exercise, and you help the planet.  Every little bit helps.  Take a walk to see how far you can get- you might surprise yourself.  Or take a bike.  Though be careful with that one.  My experience is that Americans are not used to anyone over the age of 12 on a bike- I got hit by a car twice biking in the US (both very minor, thankfully).

And for crying out loud- WALK to get your mail- driving up to the mailbox is just lazy!